ZACH AND KAYLA: BIG IN NYC

of course bumbies had to jump in and help us out.

This is how lazy we are, we brought the dirty dishes in a box with us to the new place so we could use the dishwasher and not have to wash them by hand.

Someone just left a brownie on the ground by my car, it was delicious.

Im not really sure what this is supposed to accomplish, but it was successful.

“If one ball takes down that many pins, 4 balls should take down 4 times as many!”

stern doesnt go to the club the club goes to stern

We got stomped by heather, she is a total ringer

We were chatting about our Pokemon fan club

“And then I said to Dave, you’re an idiot!” Heather exclaimed to Kayla.
“I remember saying the same thing to Zach very recently,” Kayla thought to herself.

Stern doesn’t leave Manhattan, ever - so this picture is a small miracle to begin with.

There’s something about bowling alleys that make it possible to create wonderful old school shots.

Kayla and Heather treated themselves to a round of mexican fondue for dessert.

The two week period that is Kayla’s yearly birthday extravaganza began today, as we went to celebrate at Mojave and Astoria Bowl in Queens.  Here, Kayla is opening her gift from heather, which included knitting classes in town!

This particular hairstyle is a combination of us being too lazy to comb out her mats and being to cheap to pay for a proper grooming.  Also, you have to admit, it is pretty hilarious.

Kayla finally sits down to enjoy the fruit of her labors

It was the juiciest, most flavorful fried chicken I have ever had.  Recommendation: make it immediately  Recipe: http://www.inuyaki.com/archives/84

The dry part of the buttermilk batter

All you need to break down a chicken properly are poultry shears, the internet, sharp knives and a can of sugar free red bull.

“Discard or use for chicken stock”

What you can’t see is, off camera, the laptop with youtube videos of how to break down a chicken.

The brining solution for Kayla’s fried chicken

GET IN MY BELLY

Watching us try to figure out how to open a coconut was probably like watching the start of 2001, but with more power tools.

Kayla and Tina talking about a variety of topics (actually just one topic) after heather’s fitting.  Kayla is making Heather’s bridesmaid dress for Allison’s (not pictured) wedding.

If you’re not drunk and beating up dave, you’re doing it wrong.

This picture kind of encapsulates their whole relationship

Beer gardens is the kind of thing you can only do like once a season.  This was that once.

Kayla and Tina do the measurements, or something, for heather’s dress.  I don’t know how clothing making usually goes but I always thought there were more asians involved.

We’ve caught no less than 7 mice since the basement flooded.  One time, we caught 2 mice in the same trap.  Let that one roll around in your brain for a while.

Another fine day in the park

I WILL DIE BEFORE I CALL THIS THE RFK BRIDGE

the first pretty day of the year brings all the people and babies (who are not people) out

How can you have a massive grin on your face as you pedal your 2 six year olds thirty miles through new york city?  HOW?

Big apple bike tour happens every year and goes right through my front yard

Kayla’s doing something with this mirror that involves antiquing and power tools

For April Fools my wife posted an ad on Craigslist for a “free parrot that says hello in 3 languages”, with a phone number that happened to be mine.  I got 25 calls in 20 minutes.  Here is one of the many text messages I got.  Oh rodrigo, what won’t you fall for…

A water main broke and there’s like 2 feet of water in the basement.  The whole house stinks and there’s no hot water.  Kayla had to shower at the gym this morning.  That’s all nothing compared to the people next door, who live beneath the street at this level, who have all their shit flooded.  […]

After she gets shaved, bumbies has a cat butt.  It’s the worst, like some kind of evil sphincter eye staring at you.  The worst is… well I won’t go on, but it’s bad.

I enjoy chewing on chives, for my manhood.

Mom got kayla a small herb garden kit… and it’s grown out of control - so it’s time to transplant into separate containers.  Bumbies, of course, was there to supervise.

For some reason a different production is filming at the high school up the street from me.  The first time was cool, now it’s just a pain in the ass - I had to move the car like 10 blocks away or risk getting it towed.

Sometimes you see companies try and make audacious claims about the health value of their products - somehow Oreos “contain a full serving of vegetables”.  Not these people.  Q: Who eats a friggin donut as a bedtime snack? A: FAT PEOPLE

It’s like the crime scene for a murdered penis

How else would you get enough pork fat to make bacon cookies?

Kayla bought me a new portrait lens which, by some coincidence, is also fantastic for food photography

bumbies gets wierded out when I display atypical behaviors like stand on the chair.

Kayla and I decorated her sugar cookies for our friends.  Guess which ones I did.

They were beautiful… until I got to them

We’ve been really boring recently, sitting around the house and playing Mass Effect 2.  Well, I have. Kayla has been making sugar cookies as evidenced by the mess she made in the kitchen :3.  We’re doing a ton of shit next weekend, so I’ll post pictures after our valentines day adventures

NYC Pro Tip: The snow plows all point towards the right side of the road, so you probably want to park on the left to avoid getting snowed in.

it wasnt just a snow storm - it was SNOWPOCALYPSE 09 NYC

oh hey we also got a new car.  Ain’t she pretty?

riley is fat

Gartner and Riley are going to be starring in a buddy cop movie where a K-9 dog that lost it’s master helps an emotionally distant alocholic cop find himself.  Riley is starring as the cop.

Pictured in front - Kayla’s award winning Triple Silken Pumpkin Pie, and in the background a classic Dutch Apple Pie

all dave ever really wanted was a red stripe and some Arrested Development

Allison and Heather snuggle Bumbies and attempt to breathe around impossibly full bellies

you can see the cranberry sauce, the stuffing and under the napkins an amazing bundle of homemade biscuits.

I can hear her thought process from across the room

As pretty as a magazine cover and as tasty as it looked

The Thanksgiving bird, a sage rubbed apple basted something or other, before the cooking process that took an hour less than we thought it would.  We ended up frantically calling everyone telling them that dinner would be an hour early.

it was all I could do to not just jam my face in and start chowing down right then

preparations for the dutch apple pie have begun in earnest

we had a moment of panic when the turkey came out of the fridge still partially frozen after four days of thawing, but with emergency help from the Wilson ladies we persevered.

the turkey people were kind enough to include a penis with our thanksgiving turkey

I went as The Comedian from Watchmen.  This is him at the end, right before he gets thrown out the window.  Kayla did a good job with the human bean juice.

Kayla as Sally Jupiter from Watchmen.  She made the whole costume herself by hand.

Kayla just threw that hair together in like 10 minutes, no problem.

Dog 1: Im hungry can you get me some food
Dog 2: Im hungry can you get me some food
Wife: Im hungry can you get me some food

Not the sight you want to see when you’re already late

Riley advises Kayla on one of her many projects

painting is an interesting process in the wilson household.  Outside of work (and some would say inside as well) I am not exactly “detail oriented”.  I am usually relegated to paint rolling - which I somehow manage to fuck up anyways.

We pulled the couch forward to clean…  and good god it needed it.  If you know anything about bumbies you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that there were about 30 bottle caps underneath.

the best part of rock band is that it’s pants optional

sometimes you just gotta bust a move

beer is #1

beer is #1

skip the cups, drink straight from the pitcher.

if you dont laugh looking at this image im sorry, your heart is blackened and dead.

It’s seriously like 4 oclock, this guy must have been drinking at church.

Kayla and one of the delightful austrian exchange students we met at the beer gardens.  We are all now friends on facebook.

zach wilson, still ugly, now with worse skin

Josh and Kate are back from their second epic round-the-world trip, and came up to stay with Kayla and I while the US Open was on.  Just think, a week ago from this picture Josh was getting sodomized by a matador in the back of a winnebago somewhere outside of Kandahar.

trust me, riley - some times those last few fries aren’t worth the trouble.

Working from home one day, kayla got creative - the end result being several hundred pictures of the dogs.
hires

Kayla comes home after a long day at work.  Chances are those bags are full of sweet treats with which to enjoy Big Brother.

her only weapon is snuggling
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waking up next to me is like that burger king commercial where that insane mascot is next to that dude when he wakes up, except i’m not holding a hamburger.
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the only reason she’s staying still is because she is deeply focused on the bottle cap I am holding just out of view
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kayla reads up for the upcoming movie, despite me up in her face taking pictures.  Marriage is about patience.
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my lighting setups are ghetto fabulous
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is this super gay as the denizens of facebook have suggested or am I just really intense about my art?
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Kayla hates this picture

can you tell the difference

sometimes we go in in the morning together.

we didn’t realize until just now that Bumps loves getting into boxes and sitting there.  I think that she hopes that we’ll give her a peanut butter kong if she goes voluntarily.

no comb shall touch my scalp - surely the source of my power - on the weekends.  Just one of the many things that makes me… BADASS

so bumbies has discovered that we put food into the trash and she can get to it with a minimal amount of work.  Anyways, thanks grandma for buying us an anti-dog-that-steals-food device.

Kayla was going to go with me to the Explosions concert, but it rained.  Like torrential downpour.  As it happened, I was waiting at Broadway for a train into manhattan when her train to Astoria arrived.

This, by the way, was the least strange experience I had on the subway that day.

In which I try to be artsy and fail miserably

what is it with dogs and laying in patches of sun?  I’m sure if I put a time lapse camera on Riley during the day, it would be her moving once every 30 minutes or so to get maximum sun area.

Someone flying a kite over manhattan from a rooftop

My parents came down to pick up the dogs; here they are interacting with the art.

This month’s theme at the Socrates Sculpture Park is The Great New York State Fair.  I don’t know what this is but dad is regarding it with suspicion.

Children are heartbroken 

i’m pretty sure she’s plotting to assassinate me.

lolz

One of the rules of Ring of Fire is if you draw a 10, you get to make a rule.  Scott kept trying to make rules where people had to ride the bike, but no one really went for it.  This is also how I spent a round with everyone forced to call me “Tampax […]

Here we are playing a drinking game back at Dave and Heather’s.  What’s noteworthy here is that Kayla is drinking a beer.  You can tell she’s real enthused about it.

This woman was obliterated.  Like I have never seen anyone this trashed in my life.  The dude next to her was really trying hard to have a conversation with her.  I can’t even imagine what this hangover is going to be like.

Jeannie is our dog trainer; here she’s using Rosie (her dog) as a distraction for Bumbies.  We’ve taken the show on the road to Astoria Park, where it turns out there was a dog run this whole time.

This was some kind of religious observance; I looked on wikipedia and couldn’t figure it out.  It certainly wasn’t in celebration of World Hemophilia Day or Syrian Independence Day.  Anyways, this stretched on for an awfully long time, right beneath the Yellow Line into Queens.

Aunt Cathy, Tina’s sister was here on business and stopped by for the grand queens tour.  I like aunt cathy because she can drink me under the table.

im freakin out man

Usually when we leave for work we close bumbies’ pen with a bungee cord so she can’t get out.  Today was not one of those days.

They’re not even trying any more.

Kayla has bought into the cross stitching craze that’s sweeping the nation.  She somehow got me to come to micheals crafts to help her pick out floss when I could have been playing video games and wallowing in my own filth.  One of these days I am going to call in all of my favor […]

Do you have a jew fro?  They have the tools to deal with that.  Robot hair?  No problem.  This is the preferred barber for superman who can only cut his hair using his own heat vision.  Think about that, mutants.

the entire east coast was windy as hell - but somehow it made her look even better

The first snow of the year makes bumbies look like a coke head

Here’s what she’s thinking: “…”, after which she farts

In response I chewed up her dog bowl.  I dont think it had the desired effect.

to be honest it was probably weddings and video games they were talking about.  I don’t know, I was pretty drunk.

she gets really bad mats in her hair during the summer, and kayla and I tend to take the most direct route between point a and point b, so…
It looks like another dog is wearing a bumbas mask.

at least I don’t have to wear my wedding band any more

Her treats are right behind her.  At least she’s creative, you’ve got to give her that.

for whatever reason, I was interviewed for X-Play - a show about video games on G4.  I talked about my “career” and how to get into the “industry”.  Everyone said I was really enthusiastic and positive.  I was chanelling myself from five years ago.